Testimonials |
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This section provides personal experiences and insights of people who
struggle with same-sex attraction and their families and Church leaders. A
summary or excerpt from each testimony appears next to each name. Click on
the name to read the testimony.
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| Men | ||||
| A Living Witness |
"Today, I am 44 years old, married with 4 wonderful children whom I love very much. My life today is nothing short of a miracle! ...I have decided that my experience MUST be shared so that others may know that it is possible to experience a fundamental change in sexual orientation. The famous quote that the only thing that evil needs to succeed is for good men to do nothing applies to the experience that I have had. If those who have experienced change never share their experience then how will others struggling with this issue know of what can be." |
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| Alan |
"I am just now making the connection with my own situation. The miracle of
my recovery may take a long time. It may be gradual. It may not ever take me
to a point I think I really want to be in terms of no homosexual desires at
all, and no remnants of homosexual thoughts ever. Even straight people have
inappropriate thoughts, don't they? But that doesn't mean that the miracle
won't happen in other ways that can be just as wonderful. And, whatever
faith and effort it takes to bring about the miracle -- whatever that
miracle may mean in my life -- will be worth it." |
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| Anonymous | "I know there are ways to work through those attractions that we might experience. I know there is help and support.... I am forever indebted to many of you in this room. The connections I have with you have helped me to be able to stand here today. I know there is hope, I have experienced it, continue to experience and I extend that hope to you today." | |||
| Ben Newman |
"What's changed: everything. My sexual behavior, sexual identity, my view of
myself as a man, my view of other men, my ability to trust and reach out to
other men. After 14 years of trying in vain to stop, I now have been free of
homosexual sex for more than 2½ years (as of March 2000). I have a solid
identity as a heterosexual man. I have overcome a lifetime of shame as a
male and fear and distrust of other men. I have the most positive
friendships with other heterosexual men that I've ever had in my life. They
give me a great deal of masculine affirmation and more joy than I ever
imagined while I was pursuing fulfillment through sex. I actually feel an
increased attraction to men -- but it's de-eroticized. Instead of sexual
attraction, it's spiritual and emotional attraction. It's a masculine
connection and affinity with the world of men that I never experienced
before. I no longer feel rejected by men or isolated from the male world." |
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| Bjorn |
"Through Evergreen I have
found the strength to be an SSA struggler and remain an active member of the
Church.... I know I am heading in the right direction, thanks to a loving
Father in Heaven, a caring Jesus Christ, and the help and friends I have
found through Evergreen. I know I have a Father who loves, and whom I love.
Through the love and sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ, I have found help
in my struggle, and many wonderful friends act as His helpers on earth. And
I am grateful for my struggle, just like my bout with cancer, and other
illnesses, I have come closer to God and gotten to know myself better." |
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| Bob |
Once I was able to humble myself and submit to Him in every
way, He lifted my burdens, helped me to repent, forgave my sins and sent His
marvelous peace into my life. What a blessing it is not to have that battle
raging every day of my life within my soul!!! I feel like I have emerged
into His light and truth and I have no desire to return to the darkness of
my SSA struggles or even to look back. I now know that change is indeed
possible, even for those afflicted by SSA!
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| Brad Anderson |
At age
13: "I cried and begged, "Please God, don't let me grow up gay!" At age 39: "After waiting so many years, I cannot tell you what it is like to finally be progressing! I am coming out of my shell! I have found that there really is a good person underneath all of the years of jeering and rejection. . . . What I also didn't realize was that Heavenly Father was helping me through this situation. He had been helping me for many years but I had been reluctant to accept his help. My reluctance came as a result of the detachment, a refusal of doing things any way, other than my way. As I stepped forward, with a leap of faith, Heavenly Father was there to lead and guide me through this process of establishing appropriate male relationships." |
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| Brent |
I know that there is a way out. It’s not easy, but it is sure
worth it! I know have peace with my life. It is wonderful to know that now I
can be honest in my dealings with everyone. I don’t have to cover up secrets
or lie. |
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Brett |
I know that God did not create me a gay man. He gave me
weaknesses that I might come unto Him and be saved. He has instilled within
me the qualities of faith and hope. He has truly shown me what it means to
give and receive Christ-like love. |
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| Chad |
Almost three years ago I was trying to decide which direction
my life was going to take. I had just moved back to Utah from San Francisco
and had discovered knew feelings for a female friend. The battle inside was
raging about whether I could change the behaviors I had inside. |
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| Chris |
Chris
testifies in a national ad that he made a choice to overcome same-sex
attraction. |
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| Dale |
"I
needed help. I asked God, my bishop, and my wife for help. Through their
love and support I was directed to a wise therapist, and to Evergreen.
Evergreen has made all the difference in the world. I have now experienced
enough healing, and tasted enough freedom from homosexuality that I can
clearly see the growing light at the end of the tunnel, and can feel it's
warmth." |
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Darren |
I don’t know if I will ever be completely free of same-sex
attraction, but I know that I don’t have to go through it alone, nor do I
have to fall into it’s deceitful traps, there is help and there is hope! I’m
not perfect, and at times I may stumble and fall, but as long as I keep
getting up, and keep trying, then I know my Heavenly Father will continue to
bless me along my journey. Don’t place me on a pedestal, but let me walk
next to you so that we can learn from each other and help each other find
the way out into the light. |
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| Ed |
"We
can’t change the things that have happened to us. But we can change the way
we look at those things. We can learn to deal with them. And we can help
others less fortunate than ourselves deal with their own lives and trials." |
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| Ed V. |
Two truths I have come to understand very personally: (1) I
cannot do it alone and (2) the most important time is now, today.
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| Jacob |
I feel much like Paul in that my life has been changed
forever and I can hardly comprehend the Saul I used to be. Through the grace
of the Savior I have experienced a mighty change of heart as miraculous as
His healing the leper or raising Lazarus from the dead. |
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| Jahn |
For a long time I thought change was possible for others, but
not for me. I now know that change is far more difficult than any discussion
can define, but that it IS a choice—the most difficult choice I have ever
made.... I have traveled many strange roads throughout the globe, and my
spiritual life has mirrored my actual travels. The journey has opened my
eyes and my heart. My experiences with overcoming homosexuality have made me
a greater human being and I would not now trade them for anything! |
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| Jason |
Through this process, I began to gain more and more esteem,
love, and understanding for myself. I learned that I needed to spend less
energy focusing on overcoming same-sex attraction, and more energy focusing
on the issues that SSA fed on. |
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| Jeff |
These last few months I have felt more joy and peace that I
ever dreamed possible. I know that I am clean again. I can now look back and
be grateful for the experiences I had, for I never would have had the growth
or understanding that I now have of the plan of Salvation, and of the
atonement. I will be forever grateful to my Savior for the gift he has given
me. I love him and want to dedicate my life to serving him. |
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| Jerry |
About three weeks ago, I decided to reveal to my wife my
lifelong struggle with SSA. Only someone who has experienced that personally
can appreciate what the experience is like. You have given a voice to a part
of you that has been stifled for a lifetime, and that is so liberating. You
have also unleashed a demon that must now be dealt with in the light of day.
Even after all the years of thinking about doing this, I had no idea of the
questions that would be raised and the answers that I would be expected to
give. I just knew that I wanted to be free from the burden of my dark
secret. |
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| John, Australia |
"If
there is a stereotypical Mormon boy – it’s me! Raised in the Church, served
a mission at 19, was an AP, went to BYU, taught at the MTC, diligent in all
my callings…so why did this happen to me? From my earliest recollections, I
have had strong feelings of same-sex attraction. I come from a good LDS
family with two loving, Church-active parents. I can’t blame them, I can’t
blame God, and I no longer blame myself. Possibly I will never know why this
trial became my trial, but for now I am focusing my efforts on dealing with
this trial and assisting others with this trial." |
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| John, Utah |
"I acquired most of what was valuable to the world. I accrued
all of the things that are said to make one happy: health, wealth, fame,
good looks, youth, job, popularity and an attractive partner. I had
everything that that would wanted and said that would make me happy. It was
a terrible realization the morning that I awakened to look around me and
appreciate my situation. I acknowledged that I did have all of these
“things” but my soul was empty." |
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| Ken |
"In early 1989 I was in serious trouble. I was married with children, active
in church, and yet very involved in homosexual activity. I was literally in
the depths of hell trying to deal with the issue by myself. I couldn't deal
with the tremendous conflict going on inside me. I had decided to either
take my life or leave my family." |
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| KJ |
Though the pain and struggling has been intense and often
overwhelming, the joys have been likewise, only a hundred times more. I
would remind all who are searching for such happiness of the thirty-seventh
verse in the first chapter of Luke, "For with God nothing shall be
impossible." |
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| Layne |
Writing these thoughts on paper make them that much more
real, much like looking at ones own reflection in a mirror. Sometimes you
truly admire what you see, other times, you wonder just whom or what the
image is that is starting back. Many times looking into the glass brings
feelings of great joy and peace, but often, feelings of shame, grief, and
sorrow. |
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| Merrill |
"I
prayed fervently that there might be something in this conference that would
help. It is difficult to describe the feelings I had as I met with you in
formal meetings and also in more intimate groups. I felt things I didn't
know it was possible to feel. I felt loved and accepted for who I am, warts
and all. I saw in many of your eyes the same pain that I have felt for most
of my life, and for the first time, I felt hope that there was a way to ease
that pain. I felt that here was a work that desperately needed to be done." |
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Matt
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"It’s not easy. There is no magic bullet. It may take several years or even a
lifetime, but our addictions can be managed and controlled. " |
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| Mike Ensley |
Mike Ensley, who serves in the Exodus Student Ministries division, writes
about the reality of someone who struggles with same-sex attraction even
after choosing to follow Christ in "Still Struggling with Same-Sex
Attraction." He offers practical tips on dealing with the issue and
concludes with a hopeful message, "There's nothing worth missing our
abundant life in Christ for. And there's too much we don't know to waste
time neglecting what we do know. Start being the person you want to be, and
making the choices you've always wished you would make." |
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| Name Withheld |
Becoming Whole Again. In this
article in the Ensign, a man tells his story of overcoming
same-sex attraction in his life.
"I have learned that if we fail to fortify ourselves by living the gospel, our earthly trials can wear us down and cause us to despair. But through Heavenly Father's plan, our weaknesses can become our strengths (see Ether 12:27). Through struggling to overcome same-gender attraction, I have learned that Heavenly Father does hear and answer prayers and that he is eager to help us if we will let him. The Lord atoned for all our sins, and he understands all our trials, even same-gender attraction. I have learned that with the help of Heavenly Father, the Lord, our Church leaders, inspired professionals, and caring friends and family members, same-gender attraction can be successfully resisted and overcome." |
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| Niels |
"I had changed my behavior, my SSA had diminished but I still
identified myself as a gay man. Could I give up my gay identity?" |
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| Niels |
" I still
have a same-sex-attraction but I do not feel less worthy because of it. I
don't have a need to be loved by men in a romantic or sexual way anymore. I
do need the fellowship and love from other brothers and healthy male
relationships. In so many ways I feel deceived
today. Why had no one ever told me that change was possible? Well, even if
they did, I probably wouldn't have listened." |
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| Peter |
For the benefit of those who struggle with unwanted feelings
of same-sex attraction (SSA) I hereby make the following statement and
declaration, in the hope that others will benefit from my own experiences in
overcoming these feelings.
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| Phil |
The Lord is well aware of our struggles. He loves us and is
there for us if we will only reach out. My battles are not over but I know I
will win the war. I am waiting for the day when I can rest from all of this
and hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant”. |
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Randy Thomas
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Randy Thomas, Executive Vice President for Exodus
International, details his remarkable 15-year journey from a liberal gay-
identified man to a conservative Christian in the article, "Same-Sex
Attraction." He notes his own spiritual journey as well as the lessons he
has learned about God's powerful love for every individual. |
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| Richard |
It has been difficult, trying, terrifying, enlightening,
beautiful, joyous, miraculous, journey. I see now that I could not have
received the same healing with a single touch of the Master’s hand. Rather,
by holding his hand, and walking with him on a healing path, he didn’t just
relieve me of lust, he changed my soul. |
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| Rick |
Read about Rick's experience attending his first Evergreen conference. "I was petrified when I went to my first Evergreen conference..." |
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| Spencer |
"Confronting homosexuality is never easy. There are no easy answers and no
one single way of dealing with it. I've spent these last four years trying
to figure out what to do about it in my life. I've explored the options open
to me and made some choices.... It has been about a year now that I've
settled my struggle with homosexuality. I no longer feel torn between
homosexuality and my family or the gospel.... I had to look within my heart
to see who I really am, and make decisions based on that. And, most
importantly, I feel at peace with the conclusions I've reached." |
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| Thousands |
An ad
that appeared in the Washington Post and many other national
newspapers. Thousands testify that they have changed. |
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| Family, parents, and spouses | ||||
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Barbara Carlson Wife |
What about the wives? The men who struggle with same-sex
attraction do not enjoy being stereotyped. The wives enjoy being stereotyped
even less. |
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Cathy Wife |
I am so grateful for my new-found understanding of the
Atonement. I am so blessed to see the great blessing that the Savior gave to
us play a part of my life everyday, not just for my husband, but for me,
also. My experiences with my husband and my association with Evergreen have
helped me be able to deal with some emotional and physical struggles of my
own. What a great blessing those of you who struggle with SSA have been in
my life. I can in no way express to you my gratitude for your example to me. |
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Eleanor Mother |
"I
listened, read, and learned as fast as I could to bring myself to a level of
understanding, peace, and empowerment in order to deal with my son's
self-acclaimed homosexuality and my own personal disruption." |
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Frank Campbell Father |
We decided to be as Christ-like as possible in all our
thoughts and actions. We decided to do everything we could to show Craig we
loved him. We decided that we would keep the covenants we had made at
baptism and in the temple. We decided that the prophets, the scriptures, and
the gospel of Jesus Christ were the foundation on which our faith would
continue to be based. We decided to trust in the Lord with all our heart. |
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Frank Campbell Father  |
"Sometimes I cry as I think of the
challenges, fears and loneliness that Craig has had to struggle with over
the years. Daily I pray for him and his brothers and sisters. I love each of
them more than I’m able to express in words alone. I love their wonderful
mother also. I feel that God has blessed each of us. I am grateful for His
interest and involvement in our lives. I am thankful for a prophet to whom
we can look for counsel and direction. I am especially grateful for Jesus
Christ and His atoning sacrifice that opens up so many possibilities for
each of us." |
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Gaye Mother and spouse |
"I've had what I thought were my share of trials -- deaths, miscarriages,
cancer and chemotherapy, earthquakes, as well learning ten years ago that
our then 19 year-old daughter has SSA.... None of these events prepared me
for what happened on July 5, 1998 -- the day Bob told me of his 47-year
battle with SSA. We had been married 38 years. I hadn't had a clue." |
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Kathy B Mother |
At the conference Andy didn’t find any quick or simple
answers to his problems or even have a lot of confidence in his ability to
change his feelings. He did, however, come to know the reality that God is
there for him and cares about those who are struggling and that with His
help change is possible.
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Krista Wife |
I look at that man over there, that man I’m about to marry
and I’m filled with amazement. I probably can’t expect too many people to
understand why. Most would probably be puzzled by the depth of my love for
him. A love that goes far beneath the external circumstances to discover the
diamond in the rough. Many want to know and will continue to wonder why I
chose to involve myself with this man to the extent that I would give myself
in marriage to him. I will tell you why, and then, perhaps, there will be a
few less puzzled people. |
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Shanna Wife |
I feel like I am a more loving, non-judgmental, compassionate
and tolerant person that I was two years ago. I have learned more about
myself and have come to realize that I am stronger than I ever thought I
was. I have learned to let go of my fears. To give them to the Lord and
trust in the Holy Spirit. |
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Sherry Roberts Wife |
It has been an exhausting, exhilarating, frustrating,
sometimes very lonely journey filled with obstacles no mortal eye could
possibly see past. Often I acted like a spoiled, stubborn child and refused
to learn the lesson at hand, so I was given further opportunities to enhance
me “education”. It seemed each time I learned one lesson it was only in
preparation for tougher challenges yet to come. The most difficult thing for
me to learn was to be patient, and trust that the Lord’s timing was perfect
and did not happen that way. |
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Sue Ann Wife |
After nearly five years since Gary first expressed this
horror, we share a better marriage and a closer relationship with Heavenly
Father and His Son. We both have changed for the better. We have learned
about faith and patience. We have learned about humility and the value of
meekness. Most importantly, we have learned to love each other all over
again. Now we truly share problems we both have. We are on the road to
becoming one in thought and action and deed. Trust has returned. The night
of chaos has passed. |
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| Thousands |
An ad
that appeared in the Washington Post and many other national
newspapers. Thousands testify that they have changed. |
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| Women | ||||
| Alice Waters |
All my life I had carried an oppressive burden of guilt that
I could never get free of. It was always there like a dark cloud
overshadowing me. It distorted my perspective and interfered with my ability
to feel real guilt for the sins I committed. Instead, I felt guilty for
existing, as though I had no right to live.
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| Anne Paulk |
An ad
that appeared in national newspapers. Anne tells her story of being a
lesbian. |
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| Julie |
"When I
left home at 18 to go to college, I knew that things weren't right. How
could a kid from a "good" LDS home feel so unloved and worthless? I started
on a journey for love and for answers. By the end of the second year, I had
found a boyfriend and a roommate who seemed to care -- maybe even love me a
little. Imagine my surprise when I found myself in a sexual relationship
with both the roommate and the boyfriend. I knew what was right and what was
wrong, didn't I? So what was going on?.... This woman became my friend and
she showed me how the Savior loved me by her own actions and love towards
me.... I felt unconditional love for the first time in my life." |
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| Name Withheld |
My Battle with Same-Sex Attraction In this
article in the Ensign, a woman tells her story of overcoming
same-sex attraction.
"I cherish the peace I have found in my own life as I have emerged from the bondage that held me captive for so long. I have learned that Heavenly Father loves us more than we can imagine and that if we allow Him, He will help us in our struggles. How grateful I am for that knowledge and for the freedom I have found as I have followed His counsel." |
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| Nancy |
I stand here before you today as one who has completely
forsaken the homosexual life style. I know that the Plan of Salvation as set
forth by the Lord in the scriptures is true and that the practice of
homosexuality will not only destroy our ability to attain exaltation after
this life but it is also an act of outright rebellion against our Heavenly
Father and our Redeemer. Why would we want to rebel against those who love
us so much? The way I see it is we have two choices. We can either allow the
one who would destroy us to exploit this particular weakness or we can allow
the Lord to make our weakness become strength.
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| Sandy |
"It is truly difficult to prioritize the modalities of healing as to what has
helped me the most. It seems that a combination of the therapy, the
therapist, my own 'homework' and prayer are the components that have
synchronized to benefit me most. However, I have got to say that without the
borrowed strength from my Heavenly Father, I would not have been able to
start this painful journey, nor continue to work toward healing." |
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| Sara |
"I stand here before you today as one who has completely forsaken the
homosexual lifestyle. Over the past 5 years the same-sex attraction has
diminished. It is hardly a problem at all now. I am still working through
some of the emotional issues that are at the root cause of the behavior with
the help of a very capable therapist. The road here has not been easy. At
times it has been a long heart-wrenching struggle. But it has been worth it!" |
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| Sharon |
"I still have much more to learn, but already I am aware of a
change in the way I think, feel and act. I look at both men and women in an
entirely new and healthier way. When I labeled myself as "gay," it became a
self-fulfilling prophecy. I acted according to that vision of myself. I now
see myself as a "daughter of God" and act in accordance with my TRUE
identity." |
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| Suzi |
"I am the one who on the outside looked like she had it all - a great
husband, four beautiful kids, and a nice home. I never really saw it coming,
certainly not this. There was something missing in my life that I found in
close female relationships outside my marriage. Before I knew it, or saw the
red flags, I was involved in a lesbian affair." |
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| Thousands |
An ad
that appeared in the Washington Post and many other national
newspapers. Thousands testify that they have changed. |
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Want to meet people like those above and learn how they
are experiencing success in their efforts to overcome same-sex attraction?
Attend an annual Evergreen conference. Click
here for details on upcoming and past conferences. Submit your own testimony or experience for the benefit of others. We can post a pseudonym to insure anonymity. |
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