Spiritualityby Jason Park |
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Click on a link below to jump directly to that section of this page. The need for spirituality Of the hundreds of men I have met in support groups, I have been impressed that many of them are deeply spiritual men. Satan also recognizes this spiritual sensitivity and tries to use it against them. Tragically, their emotional needs are misdirected to homosexual feelings which divert them from developing higher levels of spirituality. They sometimes fall away from the Church all together and thus Satan has robbed the priesthood from the elect. Because the armies of hell are waging their final battle, we must be strong, have faith, and draw on the powers of heaven. This section addresses the importance of spirituality in your efforts to resolve your homosexual problems. It treats basic gospel principles such as faith, the atonement, repentance, and forgiveness. The section then addresses the influences of the Holy Ghost and Satan and discusses other gospel subjects that relate to your ability to succeed in resolving your struggles. The need for spiritualitySpirituality plays a major role in your ability to resolve your homosexual problems. Frank Worthen, a pioneer in Christian groups that minister to people with homosexual attractions, explained, "Our deliverance from homosexuality comes from a Person, rather than a method."1 Commitment to and faith in Jesus Christ is the key to applying the healing power of the atonement in your life. Facing homosexual problems will force you to answer one of the most basic questions of life: Where does the power come from to deliver us from human sin and confusion? Faith in Jesus ChristThe first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ (see Articles of Faith 1:4). King Benjamin declared, "Salvation cometh to none . . . except it be through repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ" (Mosiah 3:12). Do you believe that Christ can save you? If Christ is powerful to save you, can He change you? With faith, Christ can heal you not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Christ has the power not only to change you personally but also to heal the wounds of sin. President Ezra Taft Benson taught, "It matters not what is our lack or our weakness or our insufficiency. His gifts and powers are sufficient to overcome them all."2 The Lord has promised, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27, italics added). This is an amazing promise! The very source of our troubles can be changed into a strength and source of power. The Lord says that his grace is sufficient for all men, even those who have homosexual problems. (For an excellent discussion on how healing comes through Jesus Christ, you may read Elder Richard G. Scott’s conference address "To Be Healed," Ensign, May 1994, pp. 7–9.) Elder Richard G. Scott taught, "To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience. To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it."3 There is nothing two men can’t do if one of them is God. As Elder Robert E. Wells reminded us, "Personal peace and our level of spirituality will increase as we focus on studying and thinking about Christ every day; by loving and thanking Christ more each day for his atoning sacrifice. . . . In spite of all the problems in the world today, peace can come to the hearts of each of us as we follow the Savior."4 Equally yoked togetherChrist wants to help us. He pleads with us, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28–30). He offers us a yoke, not to encumber us, but to help us. When you are in the yoke with Christ, it means that Christ is pulling right along with you. And, in fact, when you don’t have the strength to pull your share, He will make up the difference. What a comforting assurance! All you have to do is your very best. If you try with all your strength, then Christ will make up the difference. (To better understand this beautiful concept, I strongly recommend you read the book Believing Christ by Stephen E. Robinson.) The Book of Mormon prophet Alma taught, "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me" (Alma 7:11–13). The atonementThe Bible Dictionary explains the atonement: "The word describes the setting ‘at one’ of those who have been estranged, and denotes the reconciliation of man to God. Sin is the cause of the estrangement, and therefore the purpose of atonement is to correct or overcome the consequences of sin."5 Jesus Christ "came into the world . . . to be crucified for the world, and to bear the sins of the world, and to sanctify the world, and to cleanse it from all unrighteousness; that through him all might be saved" (D&C 76:41–42). In the book Gospel Principles, we read, "The great sacrifice he made to pay for our sins and overcome death is called the Atonement. It is the most important event that has ever occurred in the history of mankind."6 Because of the atonement, all mankind will be resurrected. The atonement also makes it possible for us to repent of our sins and be forgiven. Christ made this sacrifice for us freely because He loves us. The atonement applies to each of us as we try to improve little by little and overcome our challenges In addition to the sins we commit, the atonement can also compensate for things that are committed against us—the wounds we suffer as a result of another’s sins or misdeeds. Thus the atonement has the power not only to heal us of the sins we commit against others but also of the impact of sins committed against us. It can heal all inadequacy and mortal sorrow regardless of its cause. There is no problem for which the atonement is not sufficient. One of the greatest healing experiences for me was to gain a greater understanding of the atonement and a deeper appreciation for it. For me, that began by reading two small books by Stephen E. Robinson, Believing Christ and Following Christ. Such a small investment in time produced a tremendous dividend toward my eternal future. It is critical to understand the atonement and our role in it. You may also wish to read the article "Beauty for Ashes: The Atonement of Jesus Christ" by Bruce C. Hafen (Ensign, April 1990, pp. 7–13). RepentanceFaith in Christ naturally leads to repentance. The Bible Dictionary gives the following definition of repentance: "The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined. Without this there can be no progress in the things of the soul’s salvation, for all accountable persons are stained by sin, and must be cleansed in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. Repentance is not optional for salvation; it is a commandment of God. . . ."7 President Ezra Taft Benson taught that "repentance means more than simply a reformation of behavior. Many men and women in the world demonstrate great willpower and self-discipline in overcoming bad habits and the weaknesses of the flesh. Yet at the same time they give no thought to the Master, sometimes even openly rejecting Him. Such changes of behavior, even if in a positive direction, do not constitute true repentance. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation upon which sincere and meaningful repentance must be built. If we truly seek to put away sin, we must first look to Him who is the Author of our salvation."8 What do you need to repent of?Joe Dallas wrote, "You never asked for homosexual attractions. You never decided to incorporate them into your sexual makeup. Given the choice, you might have picked any number of problems before choosing this one. As for the conflicts creating your homosexuality, we know you didn’t choose those, either. . . . [Y]ou didn’t choose to respond to early events in a given way, and you certainly didn’t have anything to say about those responses when they became sexual. You are, in many ways, a victim of circumstance. As far as the development of your attractions to the same sex is concerned, you’re blameless. God does not and will not hold that against you. It is not a sin to be homosexually inclined. It’s what you do with those inclinations that condemns or commends you."9 The steps of repentanceThe book Gospel Principles identifies the steps of repentance as follows:10 Recognize your sins. You don’t need to repent of same-sex attractions over which you have no control, but you do need to repent of conscious homosexual expressions. Feel sorrow for your sins. President Ezra Taft Benson taught, "Godly sorrow is a gift of the Spirit. It is a deep realization that our actions have offended our Father and our God. It is the sharp and keen awareness that our behavior caused the Savior, He who knew no sin, even the greatest of all, to endure agony and suffering. Our sins caused Him to bleed at every pore. This very real mental and spiritual anguish is what the scriptures refer to as having ‘a broken heart and a contrite spirit.’"11 Forsake your sins. Alma counseled, "Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his commandments. . . ." (Alma 7:15). Confess your sins. This is discussed later in the chapter. Make restitution. As much as possible, you must we must make right any wrong that you have done. Forgive others. This is discussed in the next section. Keep the commandments of God. True repentance means that you not only ask for forgiveness of past sins, but that you are willing to give them up in the present and the future. You may have favorite sins that you have used to escape painful situations or gain a certain amount of temporary satisfaction. You must recognize these "comforting sins" (now that’s an oxymoron!) and be willing to lay them aside. (See Alma 7:15.) When you sincerely repent, you turn to Christ and don’t look back. Homosexual behavior is no longer an option for you. For excellent counsel on repenting and overcoming bad habits, you may read Elder Richard G. Scott’s conference address "Finding the Way Back" (Ensign, May 1990, pp. 74–76). President Spencer W. Kimball’s book The Miracle of Forgiveness is also very helpful. ForgivenessAsk to be forgiven"Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more" (D&C 58:42). To me, this is one of the sweetest verses of scripture. It inspires hope and tells of the love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for us. President Harold B. Lee explained how to know when you are forgiven. "If the time comes when you have done all that you can to repent of your sins, . . . then you will want that confirming answer as to whether or not the Lord has accepted of you. In your soul-searching, if you seek for and you find that peace of conscience, by that token you may know that the Lord has accepted of your repentance."12 Forgive othersThe most important aspect of being forgiven is to forgive others who may have done injustices to you. Some may be perceived injustices, such as if you felt your father should have been less authoritarian or if you felt another male should have been more accepting. Others injustices may have been real and caused you great harm, such as cases of rape or other abuse. But regardless of the reality or the seriousness of the injustice, you need to forgive because withholding forgiveness can be a great hindrance to your healing. Regardless of the hurt you feel, release them from the penalty you would impose on them and leave it in the hands of God. The Lord explained, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10). And he gives this warning, "But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Fathers forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:15). An unforgiving heart is a serious problem. "Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin" (D&C 64:9). Roderick Linton wrote, "To have a forgiving heart is to see the world in a different light. It is to forsake the tendency to judge, condemn, exclude, or hate any human soul. A forgiving heart seeks to love and to be patient with imperfection. The forgiving heart understands that we are all in need of the atonement of Jesus Christ."13 President Joseph F. Smith taught, "It is extremely hurtful for any [person] holding the gift of the Holy Ghost to harbor a spirit of envy, or malice, or retaliations, or intolerance toward or against his fellow man. We ought to say in our hearts, ‘Let God judge between me and thee, but as for me, I will forgive.’ I want to say to you that Latter-day Saints who harbor a feeling of unforgiveness in their souls are more censurable than the one who has sinned against them."14 Forgiving others frees us from anger and disappointment. It also opens the way for God to forgive us. Rather than blaming others, ask yourself what you learned from the experience. Ultimately, that is the more important eternal question. Forgiveness and trustIf you are guilty of wrongdoing, it may take time to reestablish trust with your wife, parents, or friends. Trust is like a bank account that is built up over years of trustworthy experiences. When questionable experiences happen, you can rely on the high balance in the account. But when that trust is broken, the balance may drop—in some cases all the way to zero. Forgiveness means that they don’t close the account, but allow you to build the account balance back up by showing time and time again that you are worthy of their trust. To do that, you may need to offer generous explanation as to your actions and whereabouts as you work to re-establish higher levels of trust. Trusting and forgiving are not the same thing. It is always appropriate to forgive, but may not be appropriate for others to trust you again right away. ConfessionAlthough God already knows our sins, we need to own up to them and admit that we have problems. Admitting problems and accepting responsibility for them is the first step in solving them. "By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them" (D&C 58:43). ". . . I, the Lord, forgive sins unto those who confess their sins before me and ask forgiveness" (D&C 64:7). Sexual sins, in particular, thrive in the darkness of secrecy and denial. The first step to freedom is to bring the sins to light. Confession shows humility toward the Lord. It shows you know your actions were wrong and you are willing to do all you can to make up for them. Confession is a necessary step in the process of repentance. All sins should be confessed to the Lord, and serious sins should be confessed to your bishop or branch president. President Spencer W. Kimball explained, "The confession of [one’s] major sins to a proper Church authority is one of those requirements made by the Lord. These sins include adultery, fornication, other sexual transgressions, and other sins of comparable seriousness. This procedure of confession assures proper controls and protection for the Church and its people and sets the feet of the transgressor on the path of true repentance. Many offenders in their shame and pride have satisfied their consciences, temporarily at least, with a few silent prayers to the Lord and rationalized that this was sufficient confession of their sins. ‘But I have confessed my sin to my Heavenly Father,’ they will insist, ‘and that is all that is necessary.’ This is not true where a major sin is involved. Then two sets of forgiveness are required to bring peace to the transgressor—one from the proper authorities of the Lord’s Church, and one from the Lord himself."15 You may be embarrassed to talk with your bishop about homosexual behavior. But remember you are not the only sinner in your ward and the bishop has likely heard far worse tales than those you will tell him. Forgiveness cannot come without proper confession to the appropriate Church authorities. If you participate in a support group and disclose a misdeed to the group, it does not take the place of a proper confession to the appropriate priesthood leader. Bishops are appointed to be common judges in Israel (see D&C 107:72–76) and have power and resources far beyond their personal experience. Bishops are given the gift of discernment (see D&C 46:27). Although they are loving men who sincerely want to do what is right, remember they are also imperfect, human men who have their own opinions and perspectives that come from their experiences in life. Be tolerant and understanding of them just as you hope for compassion and understanding from them. It was a great experience when I admitted my homosexual struggles to my bishop. We talked for two hours about my feelings and the drives behind my attractions. He was surprisingly understanding and willing to learn about it. We talked about gender identity and the need for male relationships. He asked about my relationship with my wife and encouraged me to build it stronger. Initially, he was concerned about my therapist and the support group until we talked about it and he understood better how they are helping me. Finally, during the last half hour we talked about my actions. He put me on informal probation and set up weekly interviews with me. He expressed his love for me and thanked me for voluntarily confessing to him. It felt good to have finally gotten things off my chest. I couldn’t have asked for a more helpful experience. Satan’s influenceSatan is anxious to deceive even the most elect. The fullness of times also means that the fullness of evil is on the earth. Elder Dallin H. Oaks wrote, "[Satan] seeks to undermine the principle of individual accountability, to persuade us to misuse our sacred powers of procreation, to discourage marriage and childbearing by worthy men and women, and to confuse what it means to be male or female."16 Elder Russell M. Nelson warned, "[W]e need to remember that the adversary sponsors a cunning plan of his own. It invariably attacks God’s first commandment for husband and wife to beget children. It tempts with tactics that include infidelity, unchastity, and other abuses of procreative power. Satan’s band would trumpet choice but mute accountability. Nevertheless, his capacity has long been limited, ‘for he knew not the mind of God’ (Moses 4:6)."17 Take comfort in the fact that Satan cannot force us to do evil. We are free to choose Satan’s way of captivity and death or to choose God’s way of liberty and eternal life (see 2 Nephi 2:27). The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that Satan has "power over us only as we permit him."18 James E. Faust explained, "Certainly he can tempt and he can deceive, but he has no authority over us which we do not give him."19 Don’t befriend Satan or his lies; steer a course that is comfortably within the safety zone. The Holy GhostThe Holy Ghost can help you understand things you could not otherwise understand. Draw on the Holy Ghost to get insight on resolving your problems and guidance through every step of the way. President James E. Faust taught, "By the power and gift of the Holy Ghost, we can know what to do and what not to do to bring happiness and peace to our lives."20 The Holy Ghost can be your constant companion (see D&C 121:46). You may have a battle raging within you. A part of you may want to respond sexually to the homosexual feelings within, but something else within reminds you of the moral principles you have always believed and points you back to the gospel. Which do you listen to? They both may feel right, but they are at odds with each another. This battle is one of Satan’s most clever tricks. He wants you to lose hope because he knows that disbelief will trap you in your homosexual problems. Writing about homosexuality in A Letter to a Friend, President Spencer W. Kimball explained, "There are two forces working with every individual—one is the spirit of evil, the powers of darkness with a desire to enslave and destroy. . . . The other influence is the Spirit of the Lord striving to lift and inspire and build and save. If one lives all of the commandments of the Lord, then he has the power to withstand the temptations of the devil. If he yields to the evil one, then he gets weaker and weaker until he is unable to cope with the strength of the powers that afflict him."21 He further explained, "Now let us assure you that you are not permanently trapped in this unholy practice if you will exert yourself. Though it is like an octopus with numerous tentacles to drag you to your tragedy, the sin is curable and you may totally recover from its tentacles."22 When this battle rages, listen carefully to distinguish Satan’s influences from the Light of Christ within you. Although the whisperings of Satan may feel natural, they will steer you away from the gospel, from truth, and from peace. They may give you momentary gratification but no lasting joy or peace. President Spender W. Kimball said, "No one . . . was ever sublimely happy unless he was righteous. There are temporary satisfactions and camouflaged situations for the moment, but permanent, total happiness can come only through cleanliness and worthiness."23 Satan’s biggest lie is that you are born a homosexual and cannot change and thus he tries to lead you "carefully away down to hell" (see 2 Nephi 28:21). On the other hand, the whisperings of the Holy Ghost will uplift and inspire hope. They will always support gospel truths and will lead you to eternal joy. The art of listening takes concentration and effort, but it is worth it because when you listen to the Holy Ghost you can learn things that are vital to your salvation. There is always hopeMoroni tells us that despair comes because of iniquity (see Moroni 10:22) and the greater the iniquity, the greater the sense of despair and hopelessness. One of Satan’s tactics is to persuade a person who has transgressed that there is no hope of forgiveness. But there is always hope because of the gospel of Jesus Christ "which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man of Christ in a strait and narrow course . . . [to] the kingdom of heaven" (Helaman 3:29-30). We are saved by hope and the Lord Jesus Christ is our hope (see Romans 8:24 and 1 Timothy 1:1). Hope is a great incentive to repentance. If you have made wrong choices and find yourself in a vicious habit, remember that because of the atonement there is a way out. Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first attempt to change. The road to recovery must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to get to the place you want to recover from. But correct choices can cure if they are made consistently and persistently."24 Live the gospelPeace of mind comes from living your life in harmony with gospel principles. You cannot be content when you live differently from what you believe. C. S. Lewis wrote, "the right direction leads not only to peace but to knowledge. When a man is getting better, he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him. When a man is getting worse, he understands his own badness less and less. A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is all right. This is common sense, really. You understand sleep when you are awake, not while you are sleeping. . . . You can understand the nature of drunkenness when you are sober, not when you are drunk. Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either."25 A mighty change of heartAfter I had been in therapy for a while, had read extensively, and participated in support groups, I felt I had made good progress. I had unloaded some childhood baggage, had my behavior under control, and was growing emotionally. But somehow that wasn’t enough. I kept thinking about Alma’s crucial questions, "have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?" (Alma 5:14). When King Benjamin taught the people, they responded by saying, "Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Mosiah 5:2). I wanted to feel that way myself. I wanted to reach the state where I had no more disposition to do evil. I wanted a change of heart. So I studied about the atonement and the grace of God. Great things can happen in therapy, but the ultimate healing comes through the power of the Savior. Some people know the principles of the gospel in their heads, but don’t feel them in their hearts. A key to making profound changes in your life is to move the gospel from your head to your heart. Many scriptures talk about change originating in the heart. A mental change, such as gaining new knowledge and changing perceptions, is important but not as critical as a change of the heart. Once you understand things in your mind, you still need to feel them in your heart and soul. A change of mind can come of yourself, but a change of heart comes from God. Although learning self-management and behavioral principles can certainly be helpful, the ultimate goal is the spiritual journey that ends in a change of heart. President David O. McKay said, "No man can sincerely resolve to apply in his daily life the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth without sensing a change in his whole being. The phrase ‘born again’ has a deeper significance than what many people attach to it. This changed feeling may be indescribable, but it is real."26 To gain eternal life, there must be a rebirth and transformation. Alma taught that all mankind "must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters; and thus they become new creatures. . . ." (Mosiah 27:25–26). President Ezra Taft Benson taught, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in." He continued, "The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."27 Having a mighty change of heart and "no more disposition to do evil but to do good continually" does not mean that you’ll never make a mistake again. We all struggle to overcome our carnal natures. Stephen Robinson explained, "That our disposition is good is proven by the fact that when we occasionally act otherwise, we feel bad about it, repent, and return to our previous heading toward righteousness. Like a compass needle that may swing this way or that but always comes again to point north, so are the believers who may make this or that temporary misstep but always correct their course and return to their original heading. That is a clear disposition to do good. ‘The mighty change’ is a change of heart, a change of desires, and a change of disposition concerning our goals. It is not a complete victory of the Fall or over our carnal natures all at once."28 The heart is the seat of your emotions, but it is also the house of the Spirit. Emotions don’t have the calming and directing influence of the Spirit; they easily turn carnal. Work to keep the Spirit resident in your heart to guide and temper your emotions. "Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit. . . ." (Ezekiel 18:31). This is a process of daily renewal to keep our hearts clean, aligned, and properly directed by the Spirit. (You may wish to read "A Mighty Change of Heart" by President Ezra Taft Benson, Ensign, October 1989, pp. 2–5.) In the Beatitudes, we read, "And blessed are all they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost" (3 Nephi 12:6). Elder H. Burke Peterson explained, "The scripture does not say ‘blessed are the righteous for they shall be filled.’ That’s obvious. But the scripture says blessed are they who want to be—blessed are they who want more than anything else to be righteous."29 You can be filled with the Holy Ghost—even in the midst of difficulties. PrideIn a general conference address, President Ezra Taft Benson spoke about pride. He said, "Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of ‘my will and not thine be done’. . . . The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives. They pit their perceptions of truth against God’s great knowledge. . . . The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s."30 He further explained, "Disobedience is essentially a prideful power struggle against someone in authority over us. It can be a parent, a priesthood leader, a teacher, or ultimately God. A proud person hates the fact that someone is above him. He thinks this lowers his position. Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. ‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking."31 The antidote for pride is humility, meekness, and submissiveness. Alma reminded us, "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive" (Alma 7:23). A friend of mine never sought the help of a therapist because he was afraid confidentiality could be broken and someone would find out about his homosexual problems. His pride and concern for outward appearances got in the way of getting the help he needed to resolve his problems. Submitting to the LordDo you accept life on the Lord’s terms or do you insist that things be on your terms? King Benjamin taught, "For the natural man is an enemy to God . . . and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father" (Mosiah 3:19). Being submissive and humble means that we surrender ourselves to God’s terms. We must give up everything to Him. Half promises only result in half successes. President Ezra Taft Benson explained, "Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace."32 President Howard W. Hunter warned of the consequences if we do not submit to the Lord. "Indifference to the Savior or failure to keep the commandments of God brings about insecurity, inner turmoil, and contention. These are the opposites of peace. Peace can come to an individual only by an unconditional surrender to him who is the Prince of peace and who has the power to confer peace."33 Randy Walters wrote, "For several years my fear of rejection kept me from reaching out for help. I continued to use my own sheer willpower to try and slay my enemy. I was convinced that with enough righteous living I could do it on my own. Yet as much as I tried to eradicate my SSA [same-sex attraction], it would not die. Only after I humbled myself and acknowledged that I could no longer trust in my arm of flesh did I receive the help I needed once I surrendered my will to the Lord."34 In daily prayer, admit to God that you don’t have the power to overcome your problems by yourself. Ask Him to provide the additional help you need. My friend Todd wrote, "I believe that we have a loving Heavenly Father who is deeply concerned for our welfare, and when we ask Him to help us with a problem, He helps. The help can sometimes be frustrating, because we must often wait for the help to come in His way rather than ours; and often the process to achieve the desired goal can be lengthy. I believe that the waiting period is often to help us develop and exercise faith and . . . almost always provide some learning experience." Spiritual activityBe spiritually active, which includes more than just going to meetings. Adversity either makes us complacent so we drift away from the Church and what is important to us, or it makes us dig in and grow closer to things of eternal worth. What you have accomplished in the past matters little compared to who you are today. If you have served a mission or accomplished great things in the past, congratulations! But what are you doing now? If ten years after your mission, you are still relying on the spiritual experiences you had then, ask yourself why you are not having spiritual experiences now. Studying the scripturesTake seriously the counsel to read the scriptures daily. It can be one of the most helpful things you can do, not only to find the answers you need, but to maintain a level of spirituality to help you overcome temptations and keep working on your plan of action. Take the scriptures personally. For example, think of John 3:16 as follows: "For God so loved me that he gave his only begotten Son, that if I believe in him I will not perish, but have everlasting life." Or substitute your own name. "For God so loved Jason that he gave his only begotten Son, that if Jason believes in him Jason will not perish, but have everlasting life." The scriptures apply to you personally. The promises in them were meant for you individually. Christ did not just die for the sins of the world, He died for your sins. God considers us individuallyIn his book Following Christ, Stephen Robinson explained, "We forget that God, in his perfect judgment, adjusts credit and blame to allow for the circumstances of the individual in question. The gospel is not a ‘one-size-fits-all’ arrangement in that regard. God puts us all in different circumstances in this life and judges us accordingly. In the Parable of the Talents, it didn’t matter that one servant had been given five talents and the other only two. What mattered most was what both servants did with what God gave them. The Master said to each of them, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant’ (Matthew 25:21)."35 Brother Robinson also teaches a parable of the divers.36 In this story, a particular diver won even though other divers had better form. Although outwardly it appeared that the other divers did better, he won because he performed a dive of greater difficulty. Because of the difficulties we experience in life, we may feel—like the diver—that our scores are less than perfect, but God will bless us for the difficulty we had to go through. We will be blessed for making righteous responses to difficult situations. I recommend that you read the entire parable in the book Following Christ to understand this important concept. It helped me gain the insight I needed to stop judging others—and myself—by my limited perspective. Elder H. Burke Peterson stated, "Each one of us came to this earth with our own unique and different package filled with enough positive strengths to overcome the personal challenges that are also a part of our makeup. We must never forget that the number of gifts as well as the challenges we each have does not categorize us as being better or worse than another How we handle our package is what makes the difference."37 He further explained, "A person more gifted than another is not necessarily a better person than another; and, conversely, an individual who has received fewer endowments from the Lord is not less qualified for godhood than another. Remember, the Lord gave the very same commendation to the servant who magnified two talents as to the servant who increased five talents."38 Plan of SalvationElder M. Russell Ballard observed, "Life’s most challenging questions seem to be those that begin with the word why. ‘Why is life so hard?’ ‘Why is there so much sorrow, hate, and unhappiness in the world?’ ‘Why does death take the young?’ And ‘Why must the innocent suffer?’"39 These are the deep questions of mortality and satisfying answers come only when we understand the plan of salvation. Alma called it "the great plan of happiness" (see Alma 42:8). We are the spirit children of heavenly parents with whom we lived before coming to this earth to receive our bodies of flesh and bone. This mortal life is also a test for us to prove ourselves. Since we all make mistakes that would prevent us from returning to our Heavenly Father, Christ agreed to pay the penalty for them if we will repent. Jesus also made it possible for everyone to be saved from physical death and be resurrected. Thus we continue to live and progress eternally. Elder Ballard reminded us, "By focusing on and living the principles of Heavenly Father’s plan for our eternal happiness, we can separate ourselves from the wickedness of the world. If we are anchored to the correct understanding of who we are, why we are here on this earth, and where we can go after this mortal life, Satan cannot threaten our happiness through any form of temptation. If we are determined to live by Heavenly Father’s plan, we will use our God-given moral agency to make decisions based on revealed truth, not on the opinions of others or on the current thinking of the world."40 Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "To the faithful, spirituality is a lens through which we view life and a gauge by which we evaluate it." He reminded us, "To be spiritually minded is to view and evaluate our experiences in terms of the enlarged perspective of eternity."41 Enduring to the endStephen Robinson explained, "Enduring faithfully to the end does not just mean ‘coping’ successfully with our problems or suffering affliction with stamina, although some have been called upon to do these things in order to endure. Certainly it has little to do with overcoming personal obstacles or achieving personal goals. Rather it means staying put in the kingdom by holding on to Christ and to his church without altering our commitment—no matter what. Neither ‘enduring’ nor ‘being faithful’ means being perfect or living from our baptism until our death without sinning. . . ."42 Enduring does not always mean overcoming. Many people do not overcome physical or other disabilities in this life. God does not always answer our fervent prayers by taking away the challenge. God may not take away your homosexual desires, but He will stand by you as you overcome the desires of the flesh by learning to control the homosexual actions. CovenantsAs a member of Christ’s Church, you have made sacred covenants with him. You have taken upon yourself the name of Christ and have promised to always remember him and keep his commandments. In return he gives you his Spirit to guide and help you. If you have received the priesthood of God, received your temple endowments, or been married in the temple, you have made additional covenants. Covenants should not be taken lightly. We draw strength from making and keeping covenants. Set a goal to get worthy or stay worthy of a temple recommend. Regularly attending the temple can be a great help to keep your thoughts pure and stay focused on eternal truths. You may wish to read the conference talks "Covenants" by President Boyd K. Packer (Ensign, Nov. 1990, pp. 84–86) and "Choices" by Russell M. Nelson (Ensign, November 1990, pp. 73–75). ServiceA good way to overcome your own problems is to help someone else overcome theirs. The best cure for self-absorption is to serve others. In fact, it is through serving others that you learn how to love—a key element in your healing. When you reach out to help someone else, your own problems don’t seem so great. When you volunteer to help other people, you feel better emotionally and physically. Helping others causes you to focus outside yourself. Elder Richard G. Scott taught, "The power of your worthy example is increased as you help others caught in the web of transgression and guide them into a harbor of safety."43 My friend explained the benefit of serving as the leader of a support group in the Evergreen organization. "As great as all the lessons and books and therapy sessions and videos and conferences are, they couldn’t teach me nearly as much as quiet service to others does. The more I give, the more I get. Instead of viewing Evergreen as some panacea that will cure my every ill just because I’m occupying a chair, I came to appreciate Evergreen the same way I appreciate our weekly church services: yet another opportunity to practice Christianity."44
For further reading Gaining a greater understanding of gospel principles will give you greater power to make changes in your life. Even if you feel you know the gospel well, I suggest you read the book Gospel Principles (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City, UT, 1992, item number 31110). It is easy to read, but yet powerful because it teaches the core principles in their simplicity. Many excellent books written by General Authorities and others on gospel subjects may also be helpful.
Endnotes:
Copyright © 1996 by Century Publishing, PO Box 11307, Salt Lake City, UT
84147. This document may be duplicated and shared electronically for personal
use as long as it is copied in its entirety. This notice must appear on all
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