Finding FriendshipBy Raymond |
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| As a
college student, I often find myself in the ideal situation for social
interaction. I must admit, however, the "ideal situation" does not
necessarily make this interaction come easily, and at times I have found
myself feeling alone. Feeling alone in such an atmosphere can be especially
depressing when it seems that everyone else is enjoying the friendship of
those around them. Besides my schoolwork, one of my goals here at college is
to take advantage of social opportunities to make friends, feel accepted,
and to improve my self esteem. Although I have a long way to go, I do feel like I have learned a few things about making friends. Recently I took an in-depth and rigorous biology course. On the first day of class I felt alone in a sea of faces, but as I glanced around me, I saw an acquaintance across the room. I didn't know Jeff very well, but taking a risk, I found him the next day and sat next to him. After the usual small talk, it became apparent that we would both likely need more than the usual amount of studying for this class. Before long, we were spending about an hour, almost every day, reviewing what we had learned, and agonizing together over such perplexities as photo respiration and the electron transport system. Of course there were times when I felt awkward and ill at ease, wondering what to say, and being concerned about what Jeff thought about me. One day, Jeff invited me to drive to a nearby city with him to pick up some supplies he needed and to do some shopping. I agreed, having no other plans, and we were off. After a period of uneasy silence, I ventured a question, asking Jeff about his mission. I was a little surprised by his answer and his honesty, as he replied that it was the worst two years of his life. He said that he had not been ready to go on a mission, spiritually, or any other way, but that he had felt pressured into doing what was "right." He continued that he wished that he could have been more honest about his feelings at that time, and perhaps he would have been a better missionary when he was truly ready to go. "Gosh," I thought, "I can sure relate to that feeling!" Now I didn't have a bad mission experience, but I could relate to his feelings of wishing that he could have been more honest, and I told Jeff about this. In a general way, I told him about my youthful practice of trying to please people instead of being honest, and how it has led to problems such as fake, unsatisfying relationships and a low self esteem. That biology class is over now, but Jeff is still my friend. Not long ago he taught me how to play pool. Yesterday I saw him walking across campus and we stopped to chat for a minute. My point in relating this experience is that I think that we often hope or expect to find relationships in which we can easily relate all things. This is quite unrealistic, as experience may attest. We are all different -- products of different experiences and ways of thinking. Despite these differences, however, we can find commonalties and ties that can be the basis of bonds and friendships. Jeff has a different set of problems and concerns than I do, but nevertheless, we have had meaningful and open conversations. If we keep this in mind as we learn to take the risk of opening up to other people, making friends won't seem quite so intimidating. (Originally published in Journey, Volume 2, Number 1, 1992 pages 1-2.) |
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