Four Vital Things Parents Can do to Make a Difference

Assisting our children who are dealing with feelings of same-sex attraction

They are still the same wonderful person you have always known and loved. The gospel is still true, Heavenly Father cares, and the Church has caring resources for assistance.

First: Get informed.

Finding out that a child is dealing with same-sex attraction issues is usually devastating. You may experience varied feelings of hurt, disappointment, fear, concern, and compassion - sometimes within just moments of one another. These feelings are perfectly normal.

It is important to remember that while this may all be new to you, your child has been dealing with this information for years. While you probably know little about same-sex attraction, they have been thinking about it and getting information for a long time. Much of what they have learned may not necessarily be correct. Much of what they tell you about homosexuality may be more propaganda than science. You need to know more.

You need to read and study reliable information concerning same-sex attraction. You need to know what the church teaches and what science understands. You need to
know that change and growth is possible.

Second: Obtain reliable support.

When you are hurt or confused, connecting with others who are experiencing similar challenges can be very helpful. Now, more than ever, you need to stay in touch with family, good friends, and trustworthy Church members. While this new information concerning your child may seem to change everything, it really doesn’t. They are still the same wonderful person you have always known and loved. The gospel is still true, Heavenly Father cares, and the Church has caring resources for assistance.

You must be alert to groups or individuals who would undermine your testimony. Be suspicious of those who would use this personal dilemma for their political gain. If you feel you need additional support, choose wisely to affiliate with those organizations like Evergreen International who support the standards and doctrines of the Church without reservation. Stay connected to your Heavenly Father.

Third: Reach out to strugglers.

Once you recover from your initial surprise, gain the information you need to understand
the complicated issues surrounding same-sex attraction, and reinforce your personal support system. It is only natural that you want to “do something.” Your first inclination
is to want to “fix” your own child. It is important that you love them and let them know of your testimony of the atoning grace of Jesus Christ. Let them know that help is available and you will support them in getting reliable assistance. Beyond this you usually have to rely on others to provide most of the help. You are just too emotionally close to your own family to do more.

What you can and should do is get involved with organizations like Evergreen to reach out to other strugglers and their families. Here you can make a world of difference. If more individuals had been willing to help, your child might have received the support they needed much sooner.

Fourth: Help change attitudes.

One of the great challenges faced by those struggling, their friends, and family members is the misinformed attitudes of so many in our own community. Church members will unintentionally make hurtful comments about same-sex attraction. Church leaders often lack the facts they need to recommend effective counseling or assistance for those who struggle. In fact, too many are more likely to provide flawed information (e.g. homosexuality is genetic and can’t be changed) than make helpful suggestions.
We could reach many of those who are struggling alone much sooner, with far better help, if we were just willing to speak out and get informed. Evergreen has provided scores of training meetings and firesides consistent with gospel standards. We need more parents to speak up and ask that information be provided for local church leaders and members. This takes courage, but can make such a difference for our children.

Note: This information is available from Evergreen as a printed pamphlet.