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May I express my sincere gratitude for all present, who are honest in
searching the path toward healing for themselves, or loved-ones, and are
willing to support those who are struggling to hold to the principles that
are set, onward, to overcoming a very difficult and personal issue in our
lives, during such a tremendously important aspect of willingly becoming
more Christ-like.
It began with me in an overcrowded Church Sponsored orphanage in a far-away
country, many years ago. I was but a very small infant, when the intention
of the institution, was certainly the ‘survival of the fittest.’ Yes, there
were classes of distinction, usually the strongest and oldest would reign,
while the younger were manipulated and subjected to the wiles of the other.
It was there, where I was introduced to acts of seduction and intrigue. It
was there, when it was important to be accepted or even liked, to subject
oneself to whatever means available, to succeed in being noticed by the
‘older brotherhood’ and powers to be. It was there, while yet innocent and
unaware of the dangers looming, that I gave my body, quite willingly, for
that special treat, or attention, so craved for, by the very young.
I was unaware of this, to an astonishing naïve sense. How was it supposed to
be any different? Did I not do exactly the same with those whom I chose to
be my friends?
When aged seven, an angel of a mother, who mind you, was a spinster, adopted
me. What a tremendous person, full of love and kindness.
However, my experiences with the same things that happened at the ‘home for
children,’ continued right past the time I left home. I became a protector
of people by serving as a police officer, later on became a member of a
Military Band, and subsequently became the bandmaster.
In my mid-twenties I joined the Church, served a mission, and did all that
was ‘right’ in the eyes of my fellow brothers and sisters. Was blessed to
marry a wonderfully special woman and fathered several children. All the
while, my other self continued its life.
Decades passed, when suddenly one day, I was thrust into an impossible
quandary. I thought that I had ‘fallen in love’ with a certain younger man.
It was soon very apparent that this would be an all-or-nothing situation,
which I was totally unprepared for.
For the first time in my entire life did I come to the realization that
‘pending doom’ was at hand. I was about to be instrumental in destroying two
whole families! What suffering, what confusion, what despair! Where was my
faith, and in whom should I have secured it?
Everything happened so rapidly. . I first met with Evergreen, then revealed
my situation to my sweet wife, after which confessed to my priesthood
leader. All this transpired in a matter of weeks.
The real struggle had just begun. I read related materials, and scripture
with more intent, coupled with most sincere prayer. Talked and visited with
fellow strugglers on the Internet, received therapy and also attended group
therapy, yet continued visiting weekly, with the local Evergreen group.
But, it was only after surrendering myself to Him, that it was absolutely
imprinted upon my soul, that I then received so much more in return, than I
had expected.
How I love my Savior! I know He loves me, trusts me and supports me through
each individual day of my life.
Two truths I have come to understand very personally.
- I cannot do it alone.
- The most important time is now, today. Not to recount the past, and
not to surrender to the probabilities of tomorrow. Today is the day of my
salvation.
That I have as a promise from Him, who loves us all more dearly and
personally than I had ever known before.
Thank You.
Love & Blessings,
Ed V.
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