I remember an assignment we had back in grade school. We were asked to write
down what our goals and dreams were. I think at that time I wrote that I
wanted to be married by the age of 20 to a handsome man with dark hair, have
five or six children, be a stay-at-home mother, and have a large home with a
big yard, dogs, and perhaps horses.
Never would I have written the following: “I won’t get married until I’m 33
years old. I will marry an old friend of the family who will be divorced
with five children, and to top it all off, he will struggle with same-sex
attraction.” Please note that I did get one thing right: I married a
handsome man with somewhat dark hair.
The last year and half of my life has been an incredible journey. It is a
journey I never thought I would take, but am so grateful to the Lord for
putting me on this path.
When my husband and I first started dating, I knew that there was something
going on in his life that was not easy to deal with. I knew this for two
reasons: first of all, he wouldn’t stop telling me what a bad person he was,
which was very irritating, and second, and probably most important, my
Spirit was concerned. When my husband decided to tell me what was going on,
I was both relieved and scared. Before he told me, though, I felt it was
important to be prepared in the best way possible, so I went to the temple
to ask the Lord for guidance, during that session at the temple, I knew
exactly what I would be told.
It was still hard to hear the words “I struggle with same-sex attraction”
coming from the man I knew I was going to marry, but the Spirit had softened
my heart and the news was not so bad. I remember my heart aching for what he
must have gone through in his life and wondering what I could do to help.
After I knew for sure what was going on, I again took my question and
concerns to the Lord at the temple. During that session, I was given
instruction what role I would play in my husband’s life and what I needed to
do.
During the next few months, I was able to look back on my life and my
experiences and see how the Lord had prepared me for this time and this
situation. Most of those experiences and trials I had not yet learned the
reason for, but I knew now.
Please know that even though I had been instructed by the Lord, and had the
impression I was supposed to marry this man, it was not easy for me. There
were countless hours on my knees in prayer. There were countless tears shed.
There were times when I wanted to give up and move on, but how could I turn
my back on someone I loved because of his struggles, when I was not perfect
and had struggles of my own. I know we are not supposed to ask the same
question of the Lord over and over again after we get our answer, but I did.
I am so thankful to a loving and kind Father in Heaven, who understood my
need for his continual support and confirmation of my answer.
I am so grateful for my new-found understanding of the Atonement. I am so
blessed to see the great blessing that the Savior gave to us play a part of
my life everyday, not just for my husband, but for me, also. My experiences
with my husband and my association with Evergreen have helped me be able to
deal with some emotional and physical struggles of my own. What a great
blessing those of you who struggle with SSA have been in my life. I can in
no way express to you my gratitude for your example to me.
I love the gospel. I love the Savior. I am grateful for His unconditional
love and His atoning sacrifice on our behalf. I love my husband. I am so
thankful that the Lord has blessed me with such an amazing man. He is my
companion and my helpmeet. His struggles bless my life everyday. I am
grateful that I didn’t get married until I was 33 years old. I am grateful
that I married someone with five beautiful children. Most of all, I am
grateful that I married someone who struggles with same-sex attraction. I
know that the Lord would have it no other way.
I bear my testimony to you that God lives, that Jesus is the Christ, and
that he loves each and every one of us, no matter what our trials and
struggles may be, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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