Building a Successful Growth & Accountability Group

Why A Growth & Accountability Group?

Evergreen International encourages individuals throughout the world who want to change unhealthy same-sex attractions to establish growth and accountability groups in their area to help facilitate their own growth. These groups can be of vital assistance in the transition process. Experts agree that many of the individuals with personality disorders and most of the people suffering with erotic same-sex attractions are isolated and feel alone. Isolation can indicate a problem in many areas of life, not just those concerning sexual dysfunction. A growth and accountability group can assist individuals in building healthy relationships.

Groups may be started by individuals who wish to assist regardless of education, experience, or training. Because most growth and accountability groups are directed by non-professional advisors, you should not seek to deal with disturbed, emotionally unstable, or hostile participants. These individuals need the assistance of professional, qualified therapists. Evergreen will try to help find appropriate counselors in your area.

Priesthood leaders benefit from the growth and accountability group concept in the following ways:

1. It is almost impossible for a busy priesthood leader to spend all the time an individual requires dealing with erotic same-sex attraction. They have a deficit in their relationships and need many hours of assistance to start to feel better about themselves and confident that they can relate to members of their own gender in appropriate ways. The growth and accountability group can be one part of an important team effort to assist in the healing process.
2. A well-run growth and accountability group requires that members be accountable for their behavior. While the priesthood leader is always responsible for the accountability and repentance process, the group can keep a member from falling into inappropriate behaviors in the first place and can encourage the resumption of right living if they suffer a setback.
3. The growth and accountability group and the examples of those who have successfully dealt with their same-sex attractions give the new struggler hope. The most dangerous message we are hearing in the media today is the "you-were-born-that-way; get-used-to-it” story. As an individual who has never had to confront same-sex attraction in your own life, it may be difficult for you to convince another that they can overcome this challenge. The growth and accountability group, and employing the assistance of Evergreen, can put a struggler in touch with faithful Latter-day Saints who can testify through their own experiences that success is possible.

Growth and accountability groups are just one of many tools that can assist individuals seeking to overcome homosexual behavior and diminish same-sex attractions. To be successful, a struggler must be willing to travel every path available to achieve success. They should learn that every person who comes into their life is a teacher. We need to help them view every experience as an opportunity for growth. Every participant should understand that they never really fail; they simply produce results. The successful transition away from same-sex attraction is difficult. It takes dedication and effort. Learning patience is a mark of maturity, and in this difficult battle, a participant will need to learn patience and self-love in their journey toward wholeness. In the struggle to overcome erotic same-sex attractions, the most important device available is the will. In a growth and accountability group, a person can learn that circumstances do not make you what you are, but only reveal who you have chosen to be.

Click here for information on a Christ-centered approach.
 

How Priesthood Leaders Can Help

Evergreen has learned through years of experience that the assistance of local priesthood leaders is vital to building and maintaining a successful growth and accountability group. The bishop or stake presidency in a local area knows the needs of their members, can act under divine inspiration to meet those needs, and often have access to the resources necessary to safeguard the program. Who better than the Lord’s shepherd to insure that the Christ-centered approach so necessary for progress be carried out in the lives of members? This is why a Church-sustained growth and accountability group can be so valuable. We have tools that the world cannot appreciate or understand. While groups like Homosexuals Anonymous or Exodus International can be helpful, they lack the power the priesthood and doctrines of the Church can offer.

LDS Family Services estimates that there are four or five members in every ward of the Church personally dealing with same-sex attraction problems. Usually, half of those individuals are married (most are temple marriages) and have children. With this in mind, there are dozens of parents, spouses, children, and individuals in every stake dealing with this challenge in their family. It really doesn’t take many wards to provide more than enough individuals to justify the formation of a group.

Three of the elements necessary for a successful growth and accountability group are

1. a consistent, safe location where weekly meetings can take place,
2. a committed and empathetic advisor to insure stability, and
3. a clear set of goals and rules that define the mission of the gathering.

In each case, the assistance of Church leadership can make all the difference.

Where to hold meetings

While it is possible to hold your meetings at a public library, hospital, government center, or community center, all lack the spiritual environment that meeting in a Church facility offers. Sometimes it is necessary or even preferable to meet outside of a Church building, but the feasibility should always be explored and only rejected for the good of the group or at the recommendation of the local priesthood leaders.

Choosing an advisor

In choosing an advisor for the group, seek individuals of commitment and integrity. Local priesthood leaders know individuals in whom they have confidence. When those in need come to their bishop seeking help, inspiration will lead us to individuals able to provide assistance as an advisor. Click here for more information about advisors.

Growth and accountability group guidelines

Finally, local priesthood leaders will be more willing to refer those in need to the group if they know the rules and goals of group participation. While the group members need to develop their own organizational guidelines, priesthood leaders can provide valuable input and support to the members.

Referrals

There is a dilemma in keeping confidentiality in a small LDS community. Both where we live or where we worship, everyone seems to know everyone else. If you advertise the location of the group meetings, people may be afraid to attend because “everyone knows the kind of folks who meet there every Tuesday night.” If you advertise Brother Smith as the advisor, people may fear to be seen with him because of what others might think. The question is, “How do I find help without ‘outing’ myself to the entire community?” In our experience, it is better to have a very secure, publicly-known advisor than to reveal the location of the meetings. It then becomes the advisor’s job to protect the identity of those he is meeting with in the group. It may also be helpful to know that a person dealing with same-sex attraction issues can get help at LDS Family Services without a bishop’s referral. While both Evergreen and Family Services will encourage people to confess to the proper priesthood authority, they may not be ready to do this before they get some counseling and support. We know that someone may have to see them before they can be helped.

Priesthood leaders are ultimately responsible for the spiritual accountability of Church members. Growth and accountability groups, therapists, or educators are a resource in assisting the priesthood leader and the members. The more Church leaders understand about a problem, the better able they are to recommend competent assistance. The more they know about resources, the more confidence they can feel that members sent for aid are receiving the help they need. The best of all possible environments for forming and maintaining a viable group is a coalition of local priesthood leaders, LDS Family Services, Evergreen International, and local therapists, all working together for the members and their families.

Setting Up Your Group

Any single individual working with an advisor can be the first step to establishing a group. Once word gets out in your area, you may be surprised how quickly others will want to join together for support. For best results, it usually takes at least five individuals to gain optimum results. Everyone can’t attend every meeting, so having four or five group members means that at each meeting you will have the individuals necessary for progress. It is also important to understand that an advisor becomes overwhelmed once a group grows to more than 12 to 15 individuals. When a group gets that large, it is time to find a second advisor and divide the gathering.

Each group needs to locate a convenient place to hold regular meetings. The physical facilities should be adequate to provide an area for each discussion group (five or six individuals) to meet privately at the same location. The group should meet weekly at a consistent time. The meetings should not be open, public meetings; participation should be by invitation only. Meetings are conducted under the direction of the advisor or the group leadership. Each group must design a meeting format that meets their own needs. Click here for suggestions for meeting agendas that have worked for other groups.

The first priority for a new group is to establish goals and some clear rules of conduct. For example, are you a committed group that requires attendance or a drop-in group that allows people to come and go? If you are a drop-in group, how do you insure confidentiality and consistent support when it is needed? Some groups will need to decide if participants should have contact with each other outside of the group meetings. Other groups find it useful to limit the size of the group or restrict the number of participants per advisor. You can develop rules and policies that meet the particular needs of your members, but you must provide a safe and controlled environment if you wish to be helpful in the change process. Click here for ideas on group goals and rules of conduct.

Suggestions for individuals in asking Church leaders for help in establishing a growth and accountability group

• Pray earnestly and seek the guidance of the Spirit regarding how to develop your group.

• When approaching priesthood leaders for support, share your testimony of the gospel first. Help them understand your desires to follow the Savior and live according to the teachings of the Church.

• Create training opportunities and share educational resources with leaders. Remember that SSA is uncomfortable for many of them. Help them develop confidence in what you are doing and that appropriate safeguards are in place.

• Develop a plan to get the word out, complete with tasks and timelines. Divide up the work, if possible.

• Be patient and humble. Don't push too fast or too hard. Understand priesthood leaders have many responsibilities and SSA is not the center of their universe as it may be for individuals who are current struggling with SSA.

• Seek direction and approval from the priesthood line of authority.  Be willing to see another perspective and change direction if necessary.

• Thank your priesthood leaders for their support and confidence in this work. Let them know their support is critical to your success.

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