Male Body Image, Pitfalls, Realities & Solutions
Workshop by Don Braegger at the 17th Annual Evergreen Conference
Workshop Outline
Foundations for Change
- What is the Problem?
- How do men view their bodies?
- What parts of the body are the biggest dissatisfies?
- Knowledge
- All men are dissatisfied with their bodies to one degree or another
- Is there a normal or average, and does it matter?
- Ideals are often in flux…ie. hairy vs not hairy
- Acceptance
- Why does it matter?
- What can be done to change your body and what cannot.
- Honesty & Disclosure
- I do it because it feels good, not because I am bad, sick or wrong because I have these feelings (or am enticed by these images…everyone is)
- The focus on the problem has become the problem
- Is this how you want to define yourself?
- Join the “Manly” race, which requires risk taking.
Strategies for Change
- Guided Imagery
- Change negative past experiences by re-parenting yourself.
- Appropriate self-care and appreciation of one’s body
- Professional counseling
- Be bold in asking for support in change, take charge of your journey
- Men’s Support Group
- Evergreen group is great…general Men’s Group would be even better.
- Find a Mentor
- Home teacher, father, brother, friend.
- Find a focus for your time
- Need to defocus from your body, it needs to become a non-issue.
- Find a hobby, interest that will replace the self-focus.
i. It doesn’t have to be sports
1. Rocket Launcher group on the Discovery Channel.
- Become a Man by…
- Being a son.
- By being a brother
- By being a friend
- By being a father
- Find the Voice of Christ in your life.
- Come to ‘Know Him’.
- Do the little things
i. Personal scripture reading and prayer.
ii. Family scripture reading and prayer
iii. Family Home Evening, Church and Temple attendance.
- Yield. Give up the ‘fight’ and ‘feel’ Him into your life.
Bibliography
Man Enough – Fathers, Sons, and the Search for Masculinity; Frank S Pittman III, M.D.; The Berkley Publishing Group – 1993
Superpotency – How to get it, use it, and maintain it for a lifetime; Dudley Seth Danoff, M.D., F.A.C.S.; Warner Books – 1993
Looking Good – Male Body Image in Modern America; Lynne Luciano; Hill and Wang – 2001
The Adonis Complex – How to Identify, Treat, and Prevent Body Obsession in Men and Boys; Harrison G. Pope, Jr., M.D., Katharine A. Phillips, M.D., Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D.; Touchstone – 2000
Conrack, with Jon Voight; VHS – Playhouse Video 1974
Contact Information: iamasonofgod@hotmail.com This is an email address that I have set-up just for participants in this Evergreen conference. Please email me with any questions or concerns, or stories/insights that you would like to share. Also, if you would like me to email back to you the additional resources that I mentioned in the workshop, please tell me so. Be aware that I may only check this email on a weekly basis, so don’t be offended if you do not get an immediate response.
Take a moment and compile a list of all the things that you don’t like about your body.
Lets see how the list you just came up with compares with what was found in one study as far as what aspects of their bodies men were most dissatisfied with..(Adonis Complex P 155)
So we don’t like ____________ about our body….what are our options?
If there is a legitimate defect that can be addressed…do it. If your parents weren’t able to get you braces when you were young and you can afford it now…do it. If you feel you are out of shape and overweight, exercise and work out. If you feel that there just may be something abnormal, go to a doctor and either validate or dismiss your fears.
However, be careful about taking risks where the rewards are not worth it. Remember that much about our bodies in this earthly realm will not go with us into the next life. No one has told us what a Celestial body will look like, but I’m pretty sure that it will not include implants and augmentations (motivated by vanity rather than a genuine need) that we may have chosen to get while here! Even with a resurrected Telestial body (which is probably the one we will merit if we die with a body idolatry issue) there will be a lot of people standing around in wonderment saying “Where did they go?!” As they look around in vain for the Breasts, Abs, Pec’s and other various body parts that they vainly acquired while here. (D&C 76: 81-88)
Be careful about how much time you put into improving, or focusing on your body. It can become an obsession that has very shallow returns. Along these lines, I remember when I got my very first new automobile. It was a 1986 garnet red Jeep Wrangler. I loved that jeep, and I looked good in it! Not too long after I got it, it came time to wash it, and remembering the days of my youth when my two older brothers had laboriously washed and waxed their cars on our front lawn, I decided I would do the same to my new prized possession. I set about doing so one Saturday, and by the time I was finished, it had taken 4 hours…(I found that waxing a Jeep is not a good idea…too many nooks and crevices that you have to get the wax out of!)
While I was doing this, in the back of my mind, I knew that there was a brother in the ward that had asked for some help in reshingling his roof that same day. I had justified not going as I was usually one of the first to volunteer, and after all, it was OK to do things for myself occasionally! By the time I was finished with the 4-hour ordeal, I was really feeling bad, so I got in my freshly washed and waxed Wrangler and drove over to his house to see if help was still needed. It certainly was. Only one other brother had shown up to help, and the owner of the house was so grateful to see me.
As I spent the next 4 hours or so helping this brother of mine out, I could not help but notice the contrast in feeling that I had while working in service to him compared to the self-serving task that I had performed during the first half of the day. Driving home that evening, tired but fulfilled, I vowed to never again devote so much time to keeping up something that “moth and rust doth corrupt” ( Matt 6:19) and that was so self-serving. My brothers, what are the eternal, lasting benefits of your self-body focus?
Let us now talk about why most of these issues that we have put up here on the board are really not the problem. But your belief that they are a problem is the problem! Are you with me?!
So where do these negative images of our bodies, or at least parts of them come from? I believe there are two sources.
1) Negative experiences in our past where are bodies have been ridiculed in some way. This could have been some guy in the locker room making fun of some aspect of our under-developed body; or an insensitive brother teasing us about some body feature, or other situations more abusive. Usually this type of event will involve another person giving us a false, negative view of ourselves, which we unfortunately accept and make our own. As part of understanding how this may have occurred in our lives, I recommend compiling a ‘Body Journal’…basically this would involve writing down memories that you have of events, comments, people that have had an influence on how you view your body.
2) The second source is the media. This is a much bigger problem now than it was 30 yrs ago when I was growing up, and I am sure it is going to get nothing but worse as time goes on. Magazines, movies, the Internet, all give us images that are of ‘ideal’, or even unreal men who have been created in Photoshop, that communicate to us that we are not enough…somehow flawed, and that if we only buy this product we can look like this and be fulfilled. After being bombarded with such images, we internally think, “Wow, I must be flawed” and thus begin the negative self-talk that internalizes the message that I am flawed.
(Various images were used in the conference workshop presentation, but I do not have permission to reproduce them here.)
“The male torso reigns as the decade's most powerful "crossover image" (appealing to men, women, gays, and straights alike), reports Peter Arnell of the New York advertising agency the Arnell Group
As men become more body-conscious, and as advertisers become more shameless about objectifying the male physique, men are acquiring problems formerly associated with women: eating disorders, body obsessions, low physical self-esteem. One body-image study found that 45 percent of men were dissatisfied with their physiques; women were only slightly less satisfied at 55 percent.
Whether "real-body" discomfort in men is truly new or something that's only now being noticed is impossible to say, but sociologists and psychologists say that images of hairless, sweatless, pseudo-perfect men are more common than ever before.
Ideally, psychologists say, people should recognize that billboard bodies just aren't real, and learn to be happy with their own appearance. That, of course, is easier said than done.” by Alicia Potter http://www.infoplease.com/spot/mbi1.html
We have just discussed the two major contributors to dissatisfaction with our bodies. The words/actions of others, and the influence of the media. The commonality of both of these influences is that they originate outside of ourselves.
So what we have done at some point in or lives, is to listen to the voice of another, and allow that voice power in our lives to determine how we view ourselves with respect to our bodies.
1 Cor 14:10
“There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them [is] without signification.” What this scripture is trying to say is that the voices of the world are not quiet or hard to hear…they are loud and many.
There are many voices in the world trying to tell us many things. Often times these voices become part of our own beliefs to the degree that they speak in first person in our minds…..
My (insert body part or feature of your choice) is too_______________
Big/small, skinny/fat, hairy/smooth, straight/curly, crooked/straight, short/tall, dark/white, or in general we feel that in some way our bodies are just the wrong color, shape or size!
These less desirable qualities are only a problem because we view them as a problem. However, the true problem is the problem….Not being a size 3, or not having a six-pack of abs is not a problem. The fact that you have believed some worldly voice that says if you are not these things that you are “less than” others who do is the problem. In other words, our physical bodies or life’s circumstances, whatever they may be, are in and of themselves not problematic. It is our belief that they are problematic that in itself is problematic!
If we feel that we are truly lacking in some area of our lives, before we reach for the solutions that the voices of the world offer, we should consider the following…
The Gift of the Holy Ghost . . . quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands, and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity. It develops beauty of person, form, and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being. (Key to the Science of Theology, p. 61) DGSM:45
When we have challenges in our lives, we can have less discomfort, and greater happiness by how we choose to view the challenge.
CHALLENGE: >>> Why? ; Why me? ; Why now? (Often negative voices)
CHALLENGE: >>> What? ; What can I learn?; What would Thou have me do? (Always positive)
Much like the blind leading the blind, the voices of the world are the loved-starved leading the loved-starved, those with no peace leading those who seek it.
Believing Christ’s voice
We believe the voices of others because we have not yet truly HEARD the voice of the Lord, which offers peace.
On the one hand, the voice of the Lord speaks softly, for it is a "still small voice," even "a still voice of perfect mildness"-"a pleasant voice, as if it were a whisper"; it is "not a harsh voice," neither is it a loud voice, but rather a voice that pierces to the very soul of man, causing the heart to burn. The voice of the Lord says, "Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved." (Hel 5:47) Indeed, it is the voice of the Lord that says to the righteous of every age: "I will not leave you comfortless," for "peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you." (Mark L. McConkie, The Father of the Prophet: Stories and Insights from the Life of Joseph Smith, Sr. , p.135-)
John 14:27: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Alma 58:11: Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.
Matt. 14:27: “It is I,” he said; “be not afraid”
May I be bold enough to suggest that it is impossible for anyone who really knows God to doubt his willingness to receive us with open arms in a divine embrace if we will but “come unto him.” There certainly can and will be plenty of external difficulties in life; nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ dwells within a personal fortress, a veritable palace of perfect peace. “Whoso hearkeneth unto me,” Jehovah says, “shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil” (Prov. 1:33). Jeffrey R. Holland, “‘Come unto Me’,” Ensign, Apr 1998, 16
(Not because their lives are any easier, but because they see as he sees!)
“One of the grand ironies of the gospel is that the very source of help and safety being offered us is the thing from which we may, in our mortal shortsightedness, flee. For whatever the reason, I have seen investigators run from baptism, I have seen elders run from a mission call, I have seen sweethearts run from marriage, and I have seen members run from challenging callings. Too often too many of us run from the very things that will bless us and save us and soothe us. Too often we see gospel commitments and commandments as something to be feared and forsaken.” Jeffrey R. Holland, “‘Come unto Me’,” Ensign, Apr 1998, 16
Finding Christ’s Voice
Dispel the Darkness…’The Parable of the Coal Room’
Several years go, I confided my Stake President, that I was struggling with how to have a personal relationship with the Savior Jesus Christ. I intellectually knew and understood Faith, the Atonement, the process of repentance, and all other gospel topics critical to exaltation, yet there was no feeling behind them. He shared the following parable with me. I call it the Parable of the Coal Room.
My Stake President said, “Picture yourself in the basement of a home that was built early in the last century when the only means of heating the home was with a boiler that was fired by coal. To accommodate this dirty fuel source, the homes would have a small room in the basement with the only opening to the outside being a chute down which the fuel supply was dumped by a wagon or truck. Once the door to the chute was closed, there would be no external light source.
Now picture yourself in this room, with the internal door to the room shut, and you proceed to the task ahead of you, and that is to shovel out the darkness from the room…not the coal, but the darkness itself.
So you start shoveling and you commit to putting your best efforts into the task, but you are making no progress. So you work harder and faster, knowing that you are up to the task, after all you are a son/daughter of God, and of noble birthright…you can do this! You continue until you are sweating and exhausted from your sincere, but very futile and non-productive efforts.
You pause, and a thought comes to you; you remember that in the center of the room, there is a single bulb hanging from a wire, with a chain-pull being the only means of turning the light on. Grasping this thought, and abandoning your previous frenzied efforts, you reach up; pull on that chain, and with this small amount of effort the darkness is completely dispelled by the light, which immediately fills the room.”
He went on to say that my intellectual and physical efforts to invite Christ into my life had had about as much effect as shoveling that darkness out of the coal room, when all it really takes is a small amount of effort on my part in the from of an invitation, more of a surrender really to invite Christ in.
He then said, “Now I want you to think about what you have just been taught, but then I want you to stop thinking about it, and feel it.”
Stop thinking of Christ as a partner in all of our relationships in a triangular sense; while this may be easy to understand visually, the concept keeps Him (and thus us) at a distance. Instead, we need to visualize a oneness with the Savior where He is in us and we in Him. This Oneness with Christ causes a change in everything that, we think, say and do, because we see as Christ sees and hear as Christ hears and then do as Christ would do.
Tune into the Saviors Voice through the little things
Today we have conventional, and satellite radio and TV, we have cell phones, pagers and wireless connections to the internet, all to provide us connections to the entertainment and information and relationships that we feel are important in our lives. These devices are not providers of the data that we receive from them; they are just various forms of receivers of data which is ever present in the air having been transmitted from some distant location. We would never be aware of these streams of data in the air above us if we did not have the receivers to “translate” and “receive “ it.
So it is with God’s Love and Peace.
The Peace of the Lord is not something that is ever withdrawn, it is a constant, radiating forth from God’s presence. But are we able to tune into it and receive it as a blessed part of our daily lives?
We are all created “hardwired” to be receivers of the Love/Peace of Christ, we just need to be fine tuned, and adjusted to receive it. How do we become so tuned? Through “small things”.
Alma 37:38, 40-42:
38 And now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the thing which our fathers call a ball, or director--or our fathers called it Liahona, which is, being interpreted, a compass; and the Lord prepared it.
40 And it did work for them according to their faith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day.
41 Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey;
42 Therefore, they tarried in the wilderness, or did not travel a direct course, and were afflicted with hunger and thirst, because of their transgressions.
Are any of us “tarrying in the wilderness” because we do not understand the easiness of the way, or are unwilling to adhere to the counsel of the latter-day prophets?
What are the small things that will cause us to be in tune to receive the Peace of the Lord in our daily lives? It is nothing new, we all know the list…family and personal prayer and scripture study, Family Home Evening, attending our meetings and fulfilling callings when asked, regular temple attendance, paying an honest tithe and generous fast offering.
We are Eternal Beings; Sons and Daughters of Heavenly Parents and Gods in Embryo. We did not just live before; we are living now, and will live again.
God (in plural) did, does and will always love us unconditionally. God’s love never changes…it is everlasting. This love is “The Peace of the Lord” which all of us are so desperately seeking.
The veil is only as thick as we allow it to be. We are here not to prove our worth to God, as that is already determined and unchanging, instead we are here to prove our worth to ourselves that we may inherit our rightful place in the Kingdom of God.
I testify that as we stop listening to the many and varied voices of the world that tell us that we are not good enough to one degree or another, and instead tune our lives to the voice of Christ, that issues we may have thought we had with our bodies will fall away as we find The Peace of the Lord.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Additional References
Dove Campaign for Real Beauty Evolution Video at http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf
Resources on Guided Imagery
- http://www.holisticonline.com/guided-imagery.htm
- http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/Guided-Imagery-Topic-Overview
Do a Google search on the topic, there are many other good resources. The main idea with respect to the topic of poor body image is that we can overwrite negative experiences form the pass and heal those wounds.
Good articles about the topic of male body image issues.
- http://www.infoplease.com/spot/mbi1.html
- http://www.seedmagazine.com/news/2006/09/the_media_assault_on_male_body.php
- http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/2005/02.10/11-bodyimage.html