Understanding Homosexuality

Summary by LDS Family Services

For parents, spouses, family, friends, and ecclesiastical leaders
As presented in Evergreen International (LDS-oriented) handbooks

• LDS Family Services estimates that there are four or five members in every ward of the Church dealing with erotic same-sex attraction problems. Usually half of those individuals are married (most are temple marriages) and have children. With this in mind, there are dozens of parents, spouses, children, and individuals in every Stake dealing with this challenge in their family. So know you are not alone.

• What Is Homosexuality? Homosexuality is commonly defined as sexual desires and actions oriented toward others of the same gender. Experiences among homosexual men and women range from highly erotic behavior to fantasies to intense feelings of attraction.

• What Causes It? No one chooses to have same-sex attraction feelings. It is not a sin to have homosexual feelings. It only becomes a sin when the individual acts upon those feelings. The accumulation of research demonstrates that biology, environment, and early development all play a role in developing same-sex attraction feelings.

• Can People Overcome Homosexuality? Yes, Homosexuality is an alterable condition. However, people must desire to move away from it and receive appropriate help. Homosexuality has two aspects: feelings and behaviors. We believe homosexual behaviors are out of harmony with God’s intentions for men and women. Those who wish to stop their homosexual behavior can do so but same-sex attractions can be very troublesome. However, these feelings can be diminished. Evergreen attests that neither behaviors nor feelings can be significantly overcome without the atonement of Christ.

• What Is the Process? Fasting, prayer, commitments to ecclesiastical leaders, and even marriage are not enough to overcome same-sex attraction. There are a full range of issues involved here and two keys to progress. The first key lies in addressing issues such as self-concept, interpersonal relationships, habits, spirituality, and sexuality. They also need to let go of activities that conflict with their goals. The second key to progress lies in addressing these issues through a variety of resources. No single resource can address all issues. Important resources include supportive family relationships, heterosexual friends, and involvement with spiritual leaders, education, personal counseling, group therapy, faith, and prayer.

• How Long Does it Take? We all wish there could be a quick fix for homosexuality, but in reality the transition is so demanding, it is often a long-term process. Individuals who are less entrenched in addictive behaviors and thoughts may move through the process in several months or a few years. Others work for many years before they realize a substantial and consistent difference. Think of it more as a spiral than as a straight line. Relevant issues must be visited and revisited. Occasionally, when an issue become too difficult to face, the person retreats for a time until he or she gains the strength to go on. Bursts of progress, intermittent plateaus, and occasional reverses are common and even expected.

• Why Is it So Difficult? The transition is difficult because the person is dealing with complex issues, a tenacious mind set, and deeply entrenched behaviors. Related issues are alienation, gender-role problems, abuse issues, resentment, enmeshment, low self-esteem, guilt, self loathing, severe depression, addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, marriage, family difficulties, financial problems, and spiritual and religious dilemmas. When years of living with these issues become habitual, individuals see themselves as different, weak, alone, unworthy, weird, and victimized. Seeing others as rejecting, abusive, misunderstanding, punishing, and untrustworthy can severely disrupt interpersonal relationships. Entrenched behaviors involve fantasies, solitary pursuits, and activities with others that tend to be highly addictive. Sexual abuse can deeply ingrain patterns of sexual behavior. Individuals engaging in these behaviors often do not comprehend what they are experiencing. They find themselves in the grip of powerful sexual addictions that are particularly difficult to overcome.

• What Can I Do? If there are people in your life struggling to overcome homosexuality, you probably wish with all your heart to help. You may not know what to do. Here are some principles that may help. Exercise faith through prayer. You may not know what to do, but God does. He will intervene in specific ways such as giving them experiences they need to progress and helping you to understand your role in their transition. God can provide other relationships to fill the needs you cannot fill. Love unconditionally. Man’s greatest need is acceptance and greatest fear is rejection. That does not mean you have to accept any sinful or wrong behavior, but they are wounded and broken children that need to feel your love and affection. Maintain integrity. Those dealing with homosexuality need your example and your stability. Deal with your own feelings. Don’t let feelings of betrayal, broken promises, frustrations, and hurts build up. You will need trusted people, education, and perhaps professional counseling to help you deal with your own anger, stress, and anxiety. Let go. You can’t change them. Even when God intervenes in someone’s life, that individual still has agency. Remember, you cannot change the past, so let go of mistakes and concentrate on the present. Treat each day as a fresh start toward a better future.

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