Just the Facts

by David Pruden

Thoughts for a change

I hate to admit that I am old enough to remember the old Dragnet television series of the 1960's. Each week, the star character detective, Sergeant Joe Friday, would interview a witness to a crime. As the witness began to wax verbose, Sergeant Friday would remind them, "Just the facts ma'am, just the facts."

This is precisely the message I would like to send to the gay and lesbian activists who continue to contend that it is impossible to grow out of unwanted same-sex attractions and homosexual behaviors. In their ongoing war of misinformation, the rumors continue that all those who have written books or otherwise publicly shared their story of change either do not exist or have returned to a gay identity. This just isn't true.

A friend, writing under the pen name Erin Eldridge, wrote the marvelous book Born That way? She bravely shares the story of her youthful homosexual temptation and her spiritual journey out of same-sex attraction. In spite of scores of public appearances, media interviews, and close personal association with many well-known individuals, the scuttlebutt persists that a team of LDS Family Services staff members wrote the book and Erin Eldridge doesn't exist. In fact, Erin is happily married and she and her husband are currently expecting their third child. As much as her busy schedule allows, she continues to extend her generous support and encouragement to many lesbian women. Her clear message is always, "I did this and with God's help so can you."

Not long ago a parent of a homosexual son called my office. She had read the book Desires In Conflict and when she shared this with her son he told her that the author, Joe Dallas, was now actively gay and had repudiated all he had written in his book about the change process. I have known Joe for many years, and this information must come as a shock to his wife and children. In fact, with his busy speaking schedule, counseling efforts, and the score of book titles he now has to his credit, it is astounding that this rumor persists. I can assure you that Joe Dallas has devoted his life to helping men leave homosexuality and that effort continues unabated every day.

And the rumors persist: Alan Medinger has abandoned Regeneration and is dying of AIDS; Jason Park, Jeff Konrad, and Mario Bergner don't really exist; and Starla Allen, Bob Davies, and Frank Worthen were never really "gay" at all. (That's my favorite.) On the one hand, we are told homosexuals are the lepers of modern American society and need extra legal protection. On the other hand, everyone wants to be a well-known-ex-gay so they just pretend that they were once gay. Surely there must be easier and more profitable ways to gain attention.

So what is really going on here? To admit that someone who once engaged in homosexual behaviors has grown past those desires and is now heterosexual in both desire and conduct suggests that others could change as well. If growth and change are possible, there is hope for those who find their values incongruent with a gay identity. Informational, therapeutic, and spiritual organizations that reach out to those who wish to overcome unwanted erotic same-sex attraction are practicable and even useful. Most important, homosexuality could not be genetically predetermined and unalterable.

Men and women have their agency. While those who deal with erotic same-sex attractions did not choose to have those feelings, they do have some choice in how they will respond. Some will choose to follow their feelings and be actively homosexual. That is their choice. They have a right to be treated with respect, and their safety should be protected just like every other citizen. Others will choose to follow another set of standards and seek to live a life congruent with those values. They will reject unwanted homosexual feelings and behaviors. They will seek the help of professional counselors, educators, and spiritual leaders to assist them. That is their choice. They have the right to be treated with respect. Misrepresenting their experiences and even lying about their existence won't make them go away. People have a right to make a choice, and the sooner we all except this fact the better for all concerned.

Well, those are just some thoughts for a change.
 

The ideas expressed in this column belong to David Pruden and any comments you wish to make should be directed to me. You can e-mail me at dpruden@earthlink.net and regardless of whether we agree or disagree all civil communications are welcome!