Mini-conference in St.
George, Utah, February 19, 2005
Notes written by a participant:
The Saturday of the 19th I attended a mini Evergreen conference held in St. George. The morning session of the conference
was for bishops and Relief Society leaders. It was so wonderful to see so
many church leaders, including the top area leaders there. They were eager
to learn about this issue. David Pruden, the executive director of
Evergreen, who is also a professional counselor, is excellent. He not
only has a great sense of humor but really knows how to inform people on
this issue.
David Pruden, is one of the education counselors in the video, "It's Not
Gay" put out by the American Family Association. I recently found out that
Dr. Dobson from Focus on the Family will be working with our church and all
faiths on this issue as gay marriage becomes more prominent in the various
states. Mr. Pruden shared a true story about an experiment done at the
University of Utah local student wards. The church leaders there had
told Evergreen that there wasn't really a problem with SSA in their
congregations as no one had ever come to them for help. So the Evergreen
leader asked the Bishops there if they would try an experiment for one
month. They were told to use the word homosexuality or same-sex attraction
from the pulpit and mention that help was available to anyone that
struggled. At the end of the month, these church leaders called
Evergreen and said many students had come to them with this problem. David
Pruden told these leaders that this issue is much more prevalent than
they thought and 'If they build it (a growth and accountability group), they
will come."
I was able to share some of my personal experiences about our son with these
ecclesiastical leaders and I could tell they were very interested to learn.
One of the most important points David made to these leaders was the message
that people do not choose to have these feelings and it is not a sin
to have SSA. Only the acting out in immoral ways made it a sin. Once these
leaders understood that these feelings come from a brokeness and
disconnect, which are not a young person's fault, it was easier for
them to feel compassion. David also pointed out that it is not always
because parents
did something wrong to cause this problem, as many of those with SSA come
from good families, but that certain personality types tend to perceive
things differently which makes them more susceptible to SSA. Not fitting in
with peers and many other factors contribute to this problem.
Another thing that David pointed out, when some leaders asked about how you
can tell whether someone has this problem, was not to worry about that so
much but just watch for young people that are isolated from the group.
Bishops wanted to know how to deal with those that have this
problem and David again did an excellent job of stating the importance of
making yourself open and vulnerable as a bishop and sharing your own
insights so that the person could relate to you more.
There was just so much good information and you could tell that the people
that showed up really ate it up. In our church, we can talk about unwed
mothers, child or spousal abuse from the pulpit and in church meetings, but
too many are uncomfortable talking about this issue. I mentioned that if the
President of our church can talk about it in our world conferences and
church magazines, then we should all be able to talk about this issue in our
congregations.
When our son went to our bishop and told him that he was gay, the bishop
said to him, "Well, how do you know if you are gay if you have never had sex
with someone before?" I wish my son had said back to him, "Well how did you
know you were heterosexual if you had not had sex yet?' In a Sunday school
class my son went to at 16, the teacher was talking about sexual morality
and mentioned homosexuality in this way: 'Well, it is an abomination and
disgusting and I am sure no one in this church has that problem."
Well, it's little wonder my son thought he was going to hell and left the
church. If correct education had been available, he would have not
lost his faith in God. He prayed, fasted, paid tithing, even got a
priesthood blessing, and when God did not take his feelings away,
he felt God had abandoned him or that there was no God. We are loosing
some of our most noble choice spirits because too many in the church
cannot handle hearing about this issue.
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